Yes, thanks to certain few opening videos, I have long decided to create this post. Well I have talked about Hidan no Aria already, but that wasn't the only horrible-to-hell-and-back video I have watched.
And yes, there will be a part 2. But since I was looking at the retro stuff, I might as well bring up the horrible ones that I came across along the way, so all of these will form "part 1".
While I did mention in "Down the retro lane" that Anime of the past suck, I won't be putting things on this list just because they suck relative to the Anime today. Those on the list have to suck relative to the Anime in the past (so that's sucking a lot). Also I will not say an opening video suck because I don't like the genre. It's like you can't fire a handicapped employee. Yeah, that kind of feeling.
So just to get them out of the way, here is some examples of opening videos that I have seen but I have decided not to label them as "suck", even if you might think that they should be.
Battle Programmer Shirase
Gate Keepers 21 1st op
Piano
Chobits
Ok fk it, Chobit makes the list. It's bad even for its genre.
List is not exhaustive. Plus there are quite a few that I personally think suck but if I put them in the mini-list above I will get flamed because they are considered "artistic" or whatever.
The hall of shame
Actually this list is supposed to be longer, but many of the opening videos are from Animes which the Animes themselves suck so bad that I don't even want to associate myself with them. (I feel shame declaring that I have watched them.) Yea... previously I talked about good Anime = good opening video? Well now this is horrible Anime = horrible opening video.
Let's talk about the winners shall we?
Chobits
Amount of info about the Anime: 0
People standing around: 100%
Number of location(s): 1
Males lip-syncing to the female voice: 1
While I understand that romance stories are supposed to have romantic video or something, this one is like having romance and nothing else. In fact, if we remove the effects and filters, and I write down what is happening in the video, this is what we get:
- Tesla spheres causing lightning bolt
- Girl's eye open
- Girl's eye become empty
- Girl and guy stand
- Guy looks up
- Girl looks up
- Guy peeks at girl
- Girl stares blankly into space
- Guy and girl try to hold hands
- More looking into space
- Heads turn
- Eyes meet
- Smile
- Stare
- Girl reaches for guy's face
- Girl smils
Ya.
Try transcribing any other opening video, even those being featured in this post.
Eden's Bowy
There is not enough things happening in this video. Something it shares with Chobits, but Eden's Bowy is more blatant. The entire first half of the video is literally a guy standing still from morning to night. It is very obvious they are trying to save money throughout the entire video. But I don't remember Eden's Bowy as being a bad Anime; in fact I remembered it was rather good. So wtf is with the opening video?
Maburaho
Ok, actually this isn't THAT bad. The amount of animation is decent. But the directing sucks.
First, the title screen is too long. It would've been acceptable if more people were introduced like what other videos do.
The first half of the video has too much budget-saving. The second half has much more action. But it is just different people doing the exactly same thing of trying to frag the male protagonist. At least vary the camera angle a little? Or how about even better, have them, like, do different things? Do we need to have a whole video about a guy running and everybody trying to kill him?
Mahoraba
This is actually not that bad either. Decent amount of animation and good artwork quality. But again the budget is not utilized properly. To put it in a few words, it feels damn lame.
Star Ocean EX
This one would be okay if it was an opening for a game, of if it is your first time watching it. Some parts are decent, some parts are okay, but too many pointless stuff that are just to waste time. A huge chunk of the video are also used in the Anime; usually I don't penalize for this, but this video has too much of it. There is no flow and everything is forcibly put into their positions.
Yumeria
Oh god this is bad. This is like all the things that you're supposed to NOT do all combined into one.
Freaking long title sequence? Check.
People doing exactly the same repetitive thing*? Check.
Reusing the above animation multiple times? Check.
Having nothing happen in the entire first half? Check.
Static images of characters in a situation when the hair/clothes should be moving? Check.
That darn stationary UFO thingy target didn't even break into pieces when shot at - only light was emitted? Check.
Seriously, why bother doing the opening video at all?
Actually, why bother doing this Anime at all?
*Clarification: Multiple persons doing the exact same thing at the same time is great, like dancing or posing. But different people doing the exact same thing one after another counts as repeating and is not okay. At least do a different pose, and if you're dancing at least the dance should have progressed to the next part.
Tsukuyomi ~Moon Phase~
*Dum dum dum dum~~~~~~~~~~, dum dum dum dum~~~~~~~~~~*
Here it is, the holy sh*t video that made me want to do this post.
Amount of sense: 0
Amount of info: 0
Amount of relevance it has to the story: 0
How appropriate it is for the story: 0
Randomness: High
Nekomimi: A lot
Annoyance: Over 9000
It's really not too bad for a video. And the problem which most of the bad opening videos have - insufficient content, does not happen in this video.
The problem is
IT HAS NO FRIGGIN' ANY THING TO DO WITH THE STORY!!!!!!
The actual Anime has a relatively serious story and the scenes are dark (as in the amount of lighting), the opening video is so bright and cheerful with all the nekomimi and onii-sama. Did the opening video tell you that the girl is a vampire and they are always fighting to prevent her from being taken back? I guess not. The opening video says that she might have cat ears.
Seriously, again, ****! Even if this opening video was used for some nonsensical comedy I would still want to punch the producers. And ~Moon Phase~ is definitely much more serious than the school-life fanservice-heavy shounen vampire stories (or bishounen-heavy stories for the female audience). Why do this to the industry? This is like the most troll-y opening video ever made by an actual animation studio for an Anime being aired on TV. I will actually believe it if you tell me that the producers created this with the intent of rick-rolling the entire industry. Imagine being at a cliffhanger after the first one minute of the episode and you get greeted with this opening video.
I don't even know how to conclude this. I'll just end this abruptly. Right here. Zip.
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